12 days had passed

since the passing of my father.

Never in my life I cried 4 hours non stop which I did the night we drove from KL to Damar Laut. In my head I kept trying to remember my earliest memory of my father and me. Everytime I closed my eyes, my mind would subconsciously playback all the scenes in the pages of my life which were connected to my abah as if to test how far back I can remember. The truth is I guess ... I'm so afraid that I will forget him.

Being the eldest and the only daughter in the family, we both had so many memories together.

at 5 yrs old -abah took me along 'fishing' for 'siput sedut' (escargot?) I cried my lungs out when I had to manouver an aging bridge with gaping flooring all on my own while he was way in front of me, smiling!
at 6 yrs old -abah carried me and walked in between other passengers knees when we were in a army caribou airplane bound to Peninsular Msia, bcos I want to pee. Mind you, all 30 passengers were sitted facing each other like soldiers in the plane. So it was not an easy task.
at 7 yrs old -abah forced me to read a comic entitled 'Jerung' (shark) where I had to spell and repeat words all across the length of our house corridor and back until its pronounciation is fully fluent and I had to read the paragraph all over again until I came across the word again. We were living in an army quarters house in Sarawak modelled after the long-houses of Iban. Trust me, the corridor is long and to walk back and forth ... I can't tell you how much I hated that comic book and our after dinner routine. Ironically due to that I was reading faster than anyone in my class and soon was out of materials to read. Childrens books were so scarce back then in Sarawak and abah bought me story books whenever he had the chance to go to Peninsular Msia - 2 for me and 2 for my brother but my brother's book will ended up with me and I would read it from cover to cover for many, many times. If I'm lucky, I might get one or two new story books a year. And until today my love for reading has never stop.

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... thank you abah ... for everything
I will always love you
We miss you very much
and May you rest in peace, insya allah. Ameen.

Kembali ke Rahmatullah

Arwah Hj Ahmad Marzuki b. Hj Mohd Tahir (with 2 of his grandchildren)

My abah (father) passed away last Friday evening on Feb 27, 2009. Words can't describe the emptiness we felt. For the longest time I was wondering how should I begin to write this or where shall I start? The truth is I don't know how. I will continue when I know and ready to do so. But for now, I just want to grief and remember this wonderful man that me and my brothers called abah. May Allah bless him and place his soul amongst the forgiven. Amin.