Before I Die by Jenny Downham

'Can't you stop going on about yourself for even a minute?'

Exactly how I felt about the main character. I know the story is about her but still ...

The book belongs to a colleague who lent it to another colleague and then to me whilst she herself hasn't read it yet.

It's about a 16 years old Tessa whom is dying and she has a list of things she wanted to do before she dies.

Echoing my earlier sentiment was Zoey (her best friend) on page 179: 'You go on and on about yourself, like you are the only one in the world with anything wrong. We're all in the same boat you know. We're born, we eat, we shit, we die. That's it.' Yup my sentiment exactly.
But of cos' Zoey said this to her best friend when she was high on progesterone hormone that caused her to be emotional without a cause.
'I'm pregnant', Zoey confessed on page 180 which I already suspected earlier. So that left me (alone) with my mean sentiment towards Tessa.

Fortunately, the book felt okay to me when Adam (Tessa soon to be boyfriend) appeared. I laughed at his antics towards her which to me was awww... sweet.

When her health starting to spiral down quickly, Tessa started leaving instructions to people around her in a form of writing. I know she's a teenager but why must her last instructions to her best friend, brother and boyfriend most of it was asking them to do the bad stuffs? What's wrong with doing good stuffs when you are alive? Won't you feel equally deprived of not being able to do good or great things in this world like others who had the chance to do so? Maybe its a teen thingy. Nevertheless the one to her dad made me cry.

P. 302 Instructions for Dad:


I dont want to go into a fridge at an undertaker's.
I want you to keep me at home until the funeral.
Pls can someone sit with me in case I get lonely?
I promise not to scare you.

If that got me to cry, her last mental note to her dad had me wailing.


'Dad, you played rounders with me even though you hated it and wished I'd take up cricket. You learned how to keep a stamp collection bcos I wanted to know.
For hours, you sat in hospital and never not once, complained. You brushed my hair like a mother should.
You gave up work for me, friends for me, 4 years of your life for me. You never moaned. Hardly ever.
You let me have Adam. You let me have my list. I was outrageous. Wanting, wanting so much. And you never said 'That's enough. Stop now'.


To me this is her wisen up. To finally acknowledged her dad. Her parent's were divorced. Her mother sort of ran away but she was around at the end but still couldn't take the pressure of dealing with a dying child. But I dont think the father knew bcos that was just a mental note from her. It would be nice if he knows she actually thought that way.

And I, finally warming up to her .

Still, what's wrong with doing right or good or say I love you when you still have the chance or time to do so? Especially to the one mattered most?