Let the sadness flowout, to make room for the light

I was at my parent's place. Suddenly my abah (father) walked out from the middle room. Not his master bedroom but the room which he used to take his afternoon nap. My jaw almost hit the floor when I saw him. I immediately knew something was amiss. This cannot be! Cautioned my head. When he saw me with my mouth forming a wide O but no sound coming out from me, my abah smiled and asked me why do I look the way I do ( I can imagine my own face - surprise, confused, excited- all in one) I can't remember whether he actually utterred those words but it sort like he telepathically said it to me. I somehow found my voice and said this can't be real. What's not real, he asked ... again without opening his mouth. YOU ... I said. I must be dreaming! You are not here! Why not, he asked. By this time I confirmed that I can read minds bcos he was smiling all the way but at the same time I can hear voices from him. You are suppose to be dead!! ... I blurted out accussingly. He wasn't denying it .. but just nodding his head like trying to digest what I'm trying to tell him.
So what now ... are you telling me .. you are NOT? By this time I was beyond confuse. Part of me said this is a dream, I keep saying it over and over again but at the same time there was another part of me whom just can't believe my luck. What if ...
All of a sudden my whole body was overcome with excitement. I can't believe this!! My abah is here .. and he's well .. and most importantly .. he's alive.
You know what I had to go thru? I suddenly said ... this time allowing myself to be angry at my father. When we thought you were ... dead? Not too sure whether I should use the word 'dead' .. in case he decided to validate it. But it came out from my mouth all the same.
So what did you have to do, I heard he asked me. I don't know where to begin to answer him. But answered him, I did.
I started with all the numerous forms and paperworks that I had to do on behalf of mom in order for her to claim entitlement of their asset. And you didn't leave any will, I said accussingly. He smiled, urging me to continue. And you have all these lands which you co-own with my uncles (your brothers) which I have to be responsible in making sure who are the beneficiaries, what are their shares and entitlement. Do you know how difficult it is to minimise dispute especially amongst relatives - your own uncles, I said to him. And it is still far from over. I still have tonnes of work to do. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster all of us had to endure ... I screamed silently.
But if you are here ... meaning I dont have to do it anymore right? Somehow I found that difficult to believe.
Abah .. I finally said. You can't really be here. I said this to convince myself that this whole conversation didn't take place. Desperately wanting it to be untrue. You know that the hospital already issued a death certificate for you? I was waiting for him to ask me to handle/rectify the matter too.
I found myself saying, oh shoouuttt... what do I say to them? Pls take back the cert.! There has been a HUGE mistake. My father didn't die. He merely sleeps like he use to every afternoon ... and now he wakes up. By the time I finished forming this thoughts in my mind, I saw my abah gave me his knowing smile as if saying I'm sorry you have to go thru all this.
I went to him and touched his hands and kissed his cheek ... they were cold. ( I did the same gesture at the morgue after they bathed him). I knew then ... that I was dreaming. But I kept holding on to it, refuse to allow myself to wake up so that the dream would last longer. But this time there was no conversation. He was just there.

The alarm went off at 5:45am.
This is the first time, I dreamed of my father since he passed away 66 days ago.