Pak Su in ICU

I don’t know what it is with this few weeks. I’ve been hearing and getting one sad news after another. We received the news that Pak Su has been admitted to ICU last Monday. Pak Su is Angah’s youngest aunt’s husband. In short he is our uncle. He’s an artist. A passionate man about performing art and drama. Acted in a few dramas before. He’s very rugged and cool. Even after he fell sick and we went to visit, Pak Su with his walking cane still can cracked a few jokes or passed one or two of his sarcastic remarks.

From Mak Su’s description, it sounded like Pak Su had an acute bladder infection that landed him in ICU. We heard he didn’t recognize anybody but today he seemed to be more alert and aware of his surroundings. We had to take turn to see him in the ICU. Only two at a time. My father-in law came out from the room, so it was my turn. Went straight to the last room and turn right, that was the instruction given to me. He’s at the last bed. I arrived at his bed. Saw my mother in law reciting some doa at his ear. I looked up and saw him. My mother in law was saying something to me but I barely hear her. When did Pak Su turned so frail and old? It’s like he only has skin and bone on him. I can’t believe my eyes. I don’t know whether he sees me or not or whether he recognize me or not but I walked quickly behind my mother in law and hid myself. I don’t want him to see me nor do I want him to recognize me bcos I just can’t stop my tears. I don’t want him to see me crying. I’m supposed to be strong here for this poor man who is so sick but instead there I was crying. I suddenly realized that my mother in law was telling me that Pak Su signaled with his hands that he wanted us to pray for him. I tried but I can’t. I was in a mess. I saw a few nurses and a doctor from other bed was glancing at me. I told my mother in law I’m sorry but I have to leave the room. She knew I couldn’t take it and nodded. So with tears pouring and without saying goodbye to Pak Su, I walked out from there.

I walked as fast as I can. Before reaching the exit door, I steadied myself, took some tissue paper out and dapped my eyes. I don’t want to sadden Mak Su. Angah saw me first and commented ‘that was fast’. I just shook my head and said I can’t. And the tears started again. Thank goodness Mak Su was used to such emotional outburst from other family members who came to visit.

For the rest of the visiting hour I just stayed outside. I pray that Pak Su will get well soon and that he’s family will be strong for him and each other.

For the rest of us, the same message again 'visit, see, call/phone, write, email, say hi - to friends and family members, more often -life is short, treasure it'.